THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
