ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
