If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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