I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
