She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
