omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize