If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
