I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize