I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
