Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize