why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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