I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
