yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
