its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
