yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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