It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize