My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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