This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
