He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
