shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
