Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
