You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
