I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize