so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
