do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
