How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
