i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
