I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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