So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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