apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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