Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
