uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
