I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
