There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
