This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
