"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
