i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
