My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
