Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
