We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
