Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
