I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
