Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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