so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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