your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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