Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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