my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize