Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
