No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
