dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
