We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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