You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
