I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will pee on everything he values.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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