I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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