Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Two words: blizzard sex
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
