you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
