Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
