What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
