The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will be naked everywhere
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
