She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize