I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
