defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
