I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
