and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
