Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
