i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this boner is exhausting
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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