I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just had sex bonerless
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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