Apparently you make a good broom.
...so i touched it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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