return my video game
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
