I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
