I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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