you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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