I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
