It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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