I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize