She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
