This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh god it's open bar.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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