He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
