So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
