i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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