lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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