Cold hands, warm shart.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
