Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
