We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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