Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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