She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
