people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
