I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
