just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
