he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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