Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
