So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at about main and main street
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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