Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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