I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
