Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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