about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
