We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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