have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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