Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
