Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm like, not good at living.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
