Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
