Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
