He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
